Here I go again on my own

So here I go again. I don't know if it's easier or harder to come home for these short periods of time. I come home and it's like nothing has changed, other then being rushed, i go out to dinner and movies with my friends, we have parties, chat, meet up, just like usual. And yet near the end of every night...I'm saying goodbyes because i'm leaving again.

It's been over a year now. I left back in May of last year for my time in Europe and then Washington. Then three days home in September, 33 days back in December and 11 days back now...so 47 days out of the last 440 days ish, i've been home. And I guess I still call this home as I i haven't been in any of the other places long enough for it to be home.

It's funny. On one hand everything I want is right here in Edmonton. My immediate family is here, the best friends a guy could ask for are all here, despite what everyone says I like the weather, I like winter, my sports are here indoor and outdoor soccer, I love watching hockey and football i.e. the Oilers and Eskimos, I like the city and the atmosphere (this boom and the prices and crime are stupid though). So everything is here....except my life.

I don't know what it is. Even way back in Junior high school, before I knew anything about what I wanted to be, I knew I was going to leave Edmonton. Maybe it's partly in my blood, my Dad traveled all around the US after University, doing internships in Ohio, Indiana, Boston, Tennessee among others. My mom also traveled to Tennessee after University and then moved away from her family to Canada.

I mean I don't really know where my life is going. For now I'm following the white rabbit. I love aviation and flying and my job in Soloy working on airplane design was just incredible. And now that is leading my to France to continue on with schooling so I can progress deeper into that field. Plus it's giving me another chance to travel, meet new people, experience new things, new cultures, new traditions, new languages. And that's what is most exciting. This is such a big, beautiful, diverse world, and I want to see it, I know I can't see it all, but want to try. Once my...80, 100...maybe 40 or even 25 years, who knows, are up in this world I want to say I've seen it, I've experienced it, and that hopefully while doing that...I've made a difference in it.

People ask me, ok so your doing all this traveling, doing this stuff, but when are you going to come back to Edmonton for good. And I don't know...there is a part of me, a big part of me actually that watches these TV shows like friends and any other, and wants that. Wants to be in his 30's spending weekends at Damien's house having a BBQ, spending weekdays helping friends with projects, spending holidays out at the lake with all of our kids running around while we sit on the deck and bullshit about the good old days. But I just don't know if/when it's going to happen, where my life is going to take me. But I guess that's the excitement about life right...if I knew how it would turn out..how boring would that be.

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better." King Whitney Jr.